selfie self-care month day 16: selfie with your computer set-up
oops i fell off the selfie wagon!!! but today was a good day to hop back on because it was my work’s first day in our shiny new office and here is a crappy phone selfie of me with my shiny new computer IT’S WALL MOUNTED ON AN ADJUSTABLE ARM IT CAN SWIVEL IT IS SO FUTURE
These are all real tweets, made by people who honestly believe this.
What hurts most about reading these is the one person who claims “100% of child abuse is from men”. Hi, dumbass. I was mentally abused, humiliated in front of my peers and violated by a fucking WOMAN when I was eleven. She got away with all of it too.
You can’t begin to imagine how fucking furious it makes me when people will excuse the actions of female abusers like her just for the sake of stamping the entire male population as horrible people.
This hashtag was started by 4chan as a hoax: http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/4chan-end-fathers-day/. They also started the hashtags #FreeBleeding and #WhitesCantBeRaped a little while back. They make fake accounts and pose as feminist women to start these hashtags to make feminists look stupid. Especially, to make black women/black feminists look stupid and they get away with it because so many people are willing to buy into the stereotype of black women as “bitter” and “angry”:
That account @CisHate was definitely one of the spammer accounts and it has already been remade because Twitter removed it for being spam.
I need feminism because people will take any opportunity to discredit everything we are striving to change.
Of course 4chan did this.
i cried today because people’s warm and loving tweets all over social media reminded me how horrible my father is AND YET somehow i managed not to begrudge people who have good relationships with theirs??!!?!?!!?!?!
honestly if you’re a father and you respect and genuinely work to understand your children, my goodwill is yours forever. this is the only sentiment that makes sense to me. fuck this straw feminist hashtag.
I think we have some tips on that in our “questioning if ADHD” tag. Basically you want to explain your symptoms and how they are causing you problems in your life, and ask about a referral to get an assessment. Don’t just spit out a list of ADHD symptoms like we have listed here, actually talk about how you have trouble focusing on specific things (list the specific things) and get overwhelmed by particular types of tasks (list the types of tasks) and stuff like that. You can write it all down before you go, to make sure you don’t forget anything. Then you can read the list to your doctor or you can even give it to them if you aren’t comfortable talking about it. When I went to my ADHD doctor for the first time after my reassessment, I took along a list of my medication history, complete with dates, dosages, and why I stopped taking each one, because I wanted to make sure he knew precisely why I refuse to take Strattera and methylphenidate. He kept that list and it’s in my file at his office.
Followers, any other tips?
lists are good.
maybe write out key points twice, so you can pass one copy to the doctor and keep hold of the other for reference, because it can be hard to be assertive in the moment and notes are helpful. when I went to a doctor he took my list and then kind of ignored it and I was too tongue-tied to ask for it back; I lost my nerve and didn’t state my case very well. this is an extreme example of bad practice on the dr’s part; I think I just had very bad luck and want to hope this wouldn’t happen to others. but I do think giving yourself backup is useful - it can’t hurt, anyway.
do you have someone with whom you can go over what you plan to say, before the appointment? I think that can be especially useful for spotting places where you could give more detail or background. you know your own symptoms and the impact they have on your life better than anyone, but talking it out with someone can be a huge help in making connections and clarifying the huge complexity of your personal experience of living with ADHD, and turning it into something you can explain to a doctor.
this is a tough and scary thing to do - I know - but it’s doable. good luck. rooting for you.
Nearly everyone with ADHD answers an emphatic yes to the question: “Have you always been more sensitive than others to rejection, teasing, criticism, or your own perception that you have failed or fallen short?” This is the definition of a condition called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. When I ask ADHDers to elaborate on it, they say: “I’m always tense. I can never relax. I can’t just sit there and watch a TV program with the rest of the family. I can’t turn my brain and body off to go to sleep at night. Because I’m sensitive to my perception that other people disapprove of me, I am fearful in personal interactions.” They are describing the inner experience of being hyperactive or hyper-aroused. Remember that most kids after age 14 don’t show much overt hyperactivity, but it’s still present internally, if you ask them about it.
The emotional response to the perception of failure is catastrophic for those with the condition. The term “dysphoria” means “difficult to bear,” and most people with ADHD report that they “can hardly stand it.” They are not wimps; disapproval hurts them much more than it hurts neurotypical people.
If emotional pain is internalized, a person may experience depression and loss of self-esteem in the short term. If emotions are externalized, pain can be expressed as rage at the person or situation that wounded them.
In the long term, there are two personality outcomes. The person with ADHD becomes a people pleaser, always making sure that friends, acquaintances, and family approve of him. After years of constant vigilance, the ADHD person becomes a chameleon who has lost track of what she wants for her own life. Others find that the pain of failure is so bad that they refuse to try anything unless they are assured of a quick, easy, and complete success. Taking a chance is too big an emotional risk. Their lives remain stunted and limited.
For many years, rejection-sensitive dysphoria has been the hallmark of what has been called atypical depression. The reason that it was not called “typical” depression is that it is not depression at all but the ADHD nervous system’s instantaneous response to the trigger of rejection.
"Devastated by Disapproval" - William Dodson, M.D., ADDitude Magazine
I did both of those two personality outcomes. Magic or something, I guess. -J